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2011-11-27

BAD REVIEWS ON CAMP WANDAWEGA

who doesnt appreciate a little honesty?

here is the list of some constructive critiques we've received:



"that rope swing was a hazard and should be taken down- its too high"

"the grounds could use some manicuring- some tulips would be nice"
"we only found 4 towel hooks in our cabin- we really expected more"
"the birds are too noisy in the morning- i think the walls in my room were too thin"
"the bluegills bit my nipple-- maybe weed them out and restock with bass"
"there are weeds in the lake... a pool would be a nice addition and alternative to swimming in the lake"
"we didnt realize that there would another family renting a cabin at the camp, we expected that the use of the beach would be just for us"
"it was too hot outside and our cabin wasnt air conditioned."

"the sunlight in the morning was too bright, you should install blackout blinds"
"the refriderator is from the 1950's, it was too small - a modern upright would work better'
"my sheets were cheap" 
"i think there may have been an animal under our cabin. it was scratching all night and i couldnt sleep".  
"the bathrooms dont seem to have been updated since the hoover administration"
"the wind blew into my tent, you can get new ones with zippers and mesh windows anywhere now"

"you need to install doggie bag dispenser posts throughout the grounds"
"i think you should ban dogs like most hotels do"
"I cant believe how thin our towels were. they literally were antique."
"i would have preferred a room without all the 'stuff' - the antiques just got in the way for me'




....thank you for your feedback. 
we believe in full disclosure- and really do want to warn folks for what they are getting themselves into when they consider a visit.

 take this easy quiz to determine if you are ready to shack up with us or if we should just be friends.



WANDAWEGA 
pronunciation: 'won-dah-wee-gah'
definition: (Native American name for 'not for wussies')

RENTAL APPLICATION TEST.
TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR A STAY AT CAMP WANDAWEGA 

1.
WHEN ACCOSTED BY TOADS AND SPIDERS IN THE CAMP SHOWERS YOU:
A) scream.
B) run.
C) suck it up and chalk it up to being at camp  (& possibly close your eyes tight and shower super fast.)


2.
WHEN YOUR TENT SPRINGS A LEAK, YOUR WINDOW DOESNT CLOSE ALL THE WAY, THE LIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW IS TOO BRIGHT YOU:
A) sob uncontrollably.
B) check into the penthouse suite at Hampton Inn up the road. (what do you mean there is no penthouse ??)
C) consider it an adventure and remember that there are folks camping on everest that consider these accomodations a luxury.


3.
WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOU CANT LOCK YOUR ROOM, YOU:
A) create an elaborate alarm system to arm yourself against the racoons (who are notorious thieves)
B) freak & ask where exactly you are supposed to lock up your jewelry.
C) trust the other campers the way you would at a camp ground (& dont leave that wad of hundreds on your dresser this time)


4.
WHEN YOU ARE CONFRONTED WITH THE REALITY THAT YOU HAVE NO AIR CONDITIONING &  ONLY UNPREDICTABLE HEAT, YOU:
A) try in vain to find a conceirge to come help you.
B) call for backup
C) layer up in extra blankets & peruse the  for around camp and spoon the nearest body.


5.
WHEN YOU ARE FACED WITH SLEEPING ON LUMPY MATTRESS, 10 THREAD COUNT SHEETS AND A SQUEAKY BEDFRAME YOU:
A) sleep in the car.
B) call your mom.
C) remember that you are essentially camping indoors and count your blessings that you arent sleeping atop tree root outside in a tent.


6.
WHEN YOU FIND COBWEBS, SMALL MAMMALS, LADYBUGS AND THE LIKE IN YOUR ROOM, YOU:
A) spaz out. this is not what you signed up for when you went to a camp.
B) write a letter to management inquiring about a dirt-free summer camp.
C) think of it as patina and character (from the days of this joint being a 20's speakeasy & house of ill repute)


7.
WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER  HAZARDOUS 90 YEAR OLD BROKEN SIDEWALKS,  A BEAT UP ANTIQUE TENNIS COURT, ANCIENT FADED SHUFFLEBOARD COURTS, OLD QUILTS & OTHER UNSAVORIES THAT YOU ARE NOT ACCUSTOMED TO, YOU:
A) close your eyes and click your heels to get back to kansas. 
B) text your therapist to call in your prescription. you are so not prepared for this.
C) soak up the ambience & pride yourself in being a true camper. you were made for this place!


if you answered A OR B to ANY of the above...
we respectfully decline your reservation request (it's for your own good, we promise)

We still love you, but its unlikely that you will love us back.
im sure we can meet for coffee sometime, but not sure were ready for an sleep over just yet.
we just weren't meant to be together. 

We are humbly a quarter star on a 5-star scale. (that could be pushing it) but at LEAST an eighth of a star.

But it is a shiny, sparkly humble little fragment  of a star that some people (when they get to know it) end up liking very much. 



thanks for your feedback, folks.
when you are ready to truly embrace the outdoors and rough it camp style, we look forward to having you. 

xoxox
your camp counselors,
Tereasa & David

mo'ster said...

i can't believe these!
i'm sure you know this already, but never never never never never take down that rope swing. it's the best!

SHIRTS SO GOOD said...

I may never stop laughing at these. Those DAMN BIRDS!!!!

Art Wall Katie said...

What a great post! The one about taking down the antiques kills me.

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